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IF I COULD SAVE YOU, I WOULD, BUT I CAN’T

January 7, 2017

Oh, that people would begin to wonder

To look up at the stars and wonder

At their beauty, at their majesty, and wonder

What is life for? Why am I here? And what am I to make of all these feelings I have? Of joy, of great sadness, of highs and of lows? Of loneliness in a crowd of strangers? Is everyone really a stranger here? Oh, I look into the eyes and see haunting, hurt, innocence, sadness, of smiles, or frowns, of tears and betrayals, of harsh, angry words, of sighs and promises of eternal love, you lied, you lied, the heart turns hard, cold, like a burning iron… “why Mommy?”

“I don’t know, son, some things we cannot know, it seems…”

 

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

 

What is life about? Why all of this chaos in my heart? Why is there all of this confusion in my mind? Of why? What is it all about? Why does my heart cry? For what? Do I even know? Am I a sad eyed lady of the lowlands? Is my heart afraid? How do I quiet it? Am I alone, really alone here? Or is there someone out there who can free me from my prison? Who has a key, some unknown way? I just want to be free, but I don’t know of what…

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

 

I am older now, and the prison of my body is relentless in its torture…I see not a light at the end of the tunnel, only more confusion, more chaos, what is at the end of all of this? Just darkness? What is this prison I find myself in? When I was young, I did not consider, now I am old, my mind is not what it once was, I sense the end of something, something, but I know not what…Is there any help now? I tried, at least I thought I did, did I reach out somehow, or I did I just absorb it all, a black hole taking everything in, never knowing how to give, how to really love.

I betrayed myself, not knowing…what is wrong here? What is wrong with the world? I hear of wars and rumors of war. I hear of changes coming, not good, they say, all of them say. But how do I get out of my prison? Who is my gatekeeper?

Is there any way to find out His name?

 

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

 

No hope in this darkness, a time when all hope is lost…

I went into this small cabin once, long time ago now, it was. One chair, one table, one small wood stove. Few things. Ashes on the floor, there was. Someone’s dream, someone built all of this, hope there was, all things made done with hope, they say. Hope lost is a serious thing, I tried to figure things out, but I never could quite get it – what’s wrong here? I hide from it, ignore it, it makes me feel better. How do I face this darkness? How do I find absolute zero? How do I dig beneath the sand to the bedrock? Does it take light years to find it?

Do I dare stop and think? Do I dare face this darkness, this something, this emptiness within? I tried to love, I did, tried, but betrayal was at the door. Trust no one they say, trust no one, is there anyone out there that does not lie? Does not deceive? I know not one, not one. So why is that, I wondered…Oh, if only people would ask these simple questions. I heard somewhere that mankind has a problem with all of that, heard it, but now I know it. Fallen, they are…

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

Someone, I’m not sure who it was now, said that there was a Kingdom within us, I think, maybe now, my mind is a bit foggy now, I heard that somewhere…A kingdom of some sort, perhaps. I am a prisoner still, trapped, try as I might, I cannot break free. I am scared now, my fear is now upon me, somehow I took a wrong turn, don’t know when, don’t know how…can’t fix it now, all done now.

Some people say they have no regrets, but I doubt it. Willie Nelson sang a song once, he did, “nothing I can do about it now…” True it was, time slipped by, all deeds forever sketched in the cement of time, never to be undone… I hope somehow against hope that there is no judgment, but somehow I know better, especially as it gets closer to the end of things…

Only if, only if, but just sadness now. No answers, cries in the night, unanswered. I prayed, they said I should, but it seemed the sky was brass, they just bounced back to me, searching for something, wondering, I was, but I know not what about, now – the years they slipped by all too fast. Just wind in my face, the cold north winds, they blew. Old now. Way to old, they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks – but maybe?

 

So I look out of tired old eyes, full of lies, I believed what others said, followed all of that, but now, well, it seems maybe they were all wrong as well…lies, maybe not really lies, but no wisdom, no understanding…of this world, I guess, a world of lies, of deceptions. So here I am now, old, still not knowing what it was all about…I wondered where wisdom and understanding could be found. A voice whispered softly in my ears “death and hell have heard about it…” Is this where true love is found? Certainly not here, I said…I guess that left only one other place. Not here.

 

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

 

Some wise one, long time ago now, it was, said we should search out the answers to this quagmire, and if we would but stop and look about, we might glean some answers. The butterfly, the tree leaf, the sky, the heavens. Do I have a maker? Who is He anyhow? Seems distant, a long way off I guess, left us all here with few answers. Silent, it seems, so I searched. But why? Why would you create something like humanity, and leave them off, leave them with no answers? Or did we leave our Creator? Maybe He did not really leave, but wants to find out something. Who would not play the game of life, but rather look for the one who created it?

Oh, if only people would stop and search out the answers. If you have a question, I reasoned, there must be an answer, else there would be no question. Life is full of questions, begins when you come out of the womb, right? Why, momma? Why, Daddy. Questions. Sometimes no answers…

So I took it upon myself to stop in life. To simply stop. Smell the roses, as it were. Get off the train of lies and life. Got off at a station in the wilderness, can’t remember exactly what the station was called, but I think it said on the sign, “Truth”.

Yes, Truth, what was it? Where was it? Truth, perhaps not what, but rather who? Maybe both. The station master out there was a kindly old gentlemen, his eyes sparkled with joy. “You’re the only one who has gotten off at this station in a long time…” He said. “Not many ever come here…” He took me by the hand, he pointed down a road that was foggy, vanishing in the mist. “See that gate there?” He said in a gentle voice. “Yes”, I replied. “Enter ye in at that gate, and walk down that narrow path, and you will find all the answers to life, death and what lay beyond…”

I was unsure. He could sense my hesitation to embark. “No fear, my son. No Fear, you will have a companion. He will guide you through the fog, through the storms, through the maze of a fallen mankind…. You will not be alone. All you need do is ask from your heart of hearts. We call it desire, here. Real desire. Hunger here. Thirst, you know parched. If you have the desire to find TRUTH, you will always find Him, for He lives down there, and is waiting for one and all, always waiting, always hoping. Son, He will be most pleased you wanted to find Him, most pleased. He will protect you all along the way. No Fear. Do you understand? Nothing to fear, nothing…”

So I began to walk towards the gate. “Don’t ever look back… ” came the gentle call. “Keep your eyes on the prize, the prize of truth, it will give you all of the answers of your heart, they are there, all you need to do is travel down that road…”

Then He said “You will run into much opposition. There are ones out there that will tell you that you are unworthy, that you have done such horrible, selfish things, have sinned beyond measure that it is not for you…PAY NO ATTENTION, MY SON, YOUR SINS ARE ALREADY FORGIVEN YOU, there is only one thing you need to find…ONLY ONE.”

 “Your real Father is down that road, do you think if you ask for TRUTH He will give a lie? Do you think He will not answer? Press on, never give up. It will be hard, very hard, but keep knocking on heaven’s door. Never stop knocking. NEVER. All the way to your last breath if it need be, but the answers will come. Never give up, set thy face as flint. Never faint, never faint…

His voice and figure faded into the mist, but His words kept ringing in my mind. Be steadfast. Be firm. Be resolute. Oh, one may waiver, one may say “I quit, or I cannot go on, but you know too much now. You have entered in.

So I could not see well, vision was off, it was difficult to see the road. I could hear strange sounds, noises, scary stuff. The air seemed heavy, foreboding almost. But the words kept coming back to me. The attacks of the invisible ones were relentless, they were. Never let up, I remember, never do. “Unworthy”. “Not for you, others, perhaps, but not for you, this is a waste of time. Besides, none of this is true, it is all lies…” Neil Diamond singing Suzanne…mysterious it all is, so mysterious…How is it that only drowning men can see Him?

NEVER GIVE UP, rang in my ears. The nighttime came. Hellfire was closing in now. Hellfire was real. It was lapping at my feet, I remember well. What is truth? Where are you? What am I to do? I cannot go on, but I must, I know too much, I know this is true, but nothing is happening now, the joy of the search is now gone, heaven is now not watching over me, I am lost, I am hell bound, I am dead, I am all alone. “My God, My God why hast thou forsaken me?” I guess if He could do that for me, I could do it for Him.

So I knew hell was waiting for me, but I knew not why. I had heard all about this stuff of repent, get right with the Lord. But how? I was still fallen, so no matter how I attempted to clean the flesh, it was still dirty, real dirty. Must be another meaning for repentance. I thought. Flesh is condemned, nothing to do with it.

If I could save you, I would, but I can’t…

 

Sad eyes, never wanting, never daring to look within, to face the who, the what, the reality of life and who we really are. Ghosts in a machine, some sort of biological computer machine… but with a glitch, somehow a bad glitch, something went wrong in the DNA.Maybe it was all true, we had fallen from what we were supposed to be…We needed to have a repair done, somehow, but what?

Busy in this world. Too busy in this world. I began now to see that all of the world and the things of the world were a trap. It trapped you with plans, careers, family, all the things that the world values greatly. Not that it was wrong, but rather is was a trap. To keep you busy, to keep you in the world. I began to see, as the fog began to lighten, that I had left all of that behind. The world had faded from view. The ones left behind did not like it.

They all began to wonder what was wrong with me. That which I had thought was of great interest and value, was left behind. Everything it seemed, had no interest whatsoever. The longer I was on that narrow pathway, strange things began to happen. Very strange. Death came, hell came. I died, but I knew not how. But it was all too real.

I remembered someone said “Pick up your cross and follow me…” I thought, wow! He died on a cross. This is something that even Hollywood could not make up. So I died, but I know not how. I was all alone. He was too, I guess. For you, for me. Truth of all of this can be found, but you really have to want to find it.

Then at the end of it all, I found the light, the true light. I stood before my Creator. It is not what you think it is. Divine love. Beyond all understanding. But it is there, and everyone needs to find it. Really, everyone does. The railroad station is called Truth. It is found in the wilderness, outside the camp, as it were. There is a kindly old gentlemen with joy in His eyes if you will get off as that stop. He will tell you all about how to find the answers to all your questions. Momma, why? Daddy, why?

Not many people stop there, He said. Not many, just once in a while. Seems that truth is not desired much anymore, in this world of lies and deceptions. But I know the train stop is there, but first you have to get on the train. It has a funny name, that train does…Very funny. “LEAVING”. That’s it. Just one simple word. But is has a wonderful meaning, if you want to find it. There is an old man waiting for you. He will be there for only a short while now. Soon it will be over.

So I looked up into the night sky, and saw diamonds by the millions. Millions, there were. A comet to the right, blue and green tail streaming for millions of miles. I heard a voice from somewhere… gentle and soft. “I would save them all, I love them all, with a love they know not, but they would not come to me…”

Oh, If I could save you, I would, but I cannot, I can only point the way…Who are You? What are You? What Is Truth?

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Comments always welcome…

LIGHTGATE BLOOGER

7 Comments
  1. Jerry permalink
    January 14, 2017 5:23 pm

    Stewart, as usual. Thanks Brother. We don’t personally know one another but I have followed you at least a decade. I have come to know you and yours and I love you, The GOD within you.

    Like

  2. January 9, 2017 4:04 am

    Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
    It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments;
    As the dew of Hermon, and as the dew that descended upon the mountains of Zion: for there the LORD commanded the blessing, even life for evermore.

    Thank you brother
    Thank you brothers

    God bless you all

    Like

  3. Hazel permalink
    January 8, 2017 6:35 am

    To Stew Thank you for this it is so gifted and something that might turn someone back onto the path. May you be blessed for staying true to your calling even through the dry times. Hazel

    Like

  4. Carol permalink
    January 8, 2017 6:15 am

    Hi Stewart, I find no words to say this just made me cry.

    Like

  5. Snowflake permalink
    January 7, 2017 3:11 pm

    Well Stew, you’ve done it again! You’ve managed to make it nearly impossible to read your words because of all the tears. In all these years I’ve never known anyone else who has tried harder, in so many different ways, to try and lead a person to the Truth by studying God’s Word and meditating upon it. I have no doubt you will hear the Lord saying to you, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”. I’m ever so grateful the Lord has allowed you to stay and feed this little flock. Thank you for not giving up on us.

    Waiting for the revelation; waiting for the midnight cry; waiting…

    All my love in Jesus,

    Denny

    Like

  6. Peter permalink
    January 7, 2017 1:59 pm

    O, that was really nice…God bless.

    Like

  7. Theresa permalink
    January 7, 2017 12:40 pm

    Speech_less!___!

    Like

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